Testing, testing – 1, 2, 3

I’m doing some hard personal work right now. My ideas and thoughts and goals are being harshly challenged. And I’m running my own interference. The Universe has stood up – as if to challenge to my credibility. “Who are you to tell people about love and happiness?” “Let me test your true understanding with a few curve balls…”

I’m doubting myself. I’m doubting my ability to create this art I want to share.

I feel disappointed. A bit ungrateful.

My island life is suddenly suffocating me to the point I question my true intentions.

How can I possibly write about loving this life we live when all I can do is gasp for air right now?

Island life is still … well, life. With a very beautiful view – I will admit.

The struggle of maintaining relationships does not go away in paradise. In fact the island requires more of your relationships than ever before. Bonds have to be stronger because there is less distraction. Or more distance.

Parenting a toddler brings the same challenges all parents everywhere face. Those desires and concerns for our children don’t disappear because of where we live. Or any other circumstance. Trying to be a part of the teenagers lives while they are away from us. Trying to support and encourage a very busy and hardworking husband. My own work still has to be done. So today I just feel like I don’t know why or what I’m doing.

I want to go somewhere. View a different perspective. Sit in the coffee shop and work. But alas the boat schedules don’t fit my needs. The sea is so rough even if I did go to town I’d be wet by the time I got there. So I started cleaning up the girls old room – but that’s still too much for me to handle so I quit. I can’t. I miss them so much all I do is get emotional and look around and hold their things wishing they were with me. No cleaning gets done.

Would it be too much to ask the Universe for a friend? A lunch date? A car ride, I’d settle for a car ride. I’d drive off into the jungle and find some serenity there maybe. I’d probably start complaining I was alone there too.

Oh, Island Life, why must you be so tempestuous? And so beautiful.

Until it all works out – keep moving forward!

Big Love ❤

Ashley

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